Last few days (unedited)

It’s weird when you sometimes try to ignore something that’s inevitable. You try to live in the present and not think about the future. All bloody inspirational books and quotes use to tell me that so I thought ‘What the heck’, I will try to live in the present too. So I stopped ignoring the obvious and started to live this dream, this make belief fantasy that I had created. I have tried to ignore this fact for more than two years now, and now when I am face to face with this fact, it broke me down. I am not sure why. As I said this was bound to happen. I knew it was bound to happen. Probably the timing was unexpected for me and I wasn’t ready for it. But come to think of it I would never have been ready for it. So, better late than never right?

The problem was that I never thought of it. I was living the dream. And when the dream came to an end I didn’t wanted to wake up. And now I have this gut wrenching pain that I can’t get rid, however may I try to. What are we supposed to do when you face a situation like this? I guess the easier option would be to stop living. But I always believed and sponsored that was something a coward does. Now I have to decide that ‘Am I a coward?’ or am I strong enough to dust myself up and fight against adversity. And even if I decide to stand up and fight, for how long can I do it? I have been a positive person all my life, see good in everything, tried to think better of everything. But how long can a positive person survive in this world? There will be a day when it will bring me down, when I will give up and let go. I won’t be myself that day. But until then I will try to fight with every last ounce of blood left in my body, with every last shred of flesh in my body. Because I am not a COWARD!

I am a problem child... yes I am

First up the title of this post, I think it's totally irrelevant but I am listening to AC/DC nowadays and I am totally hooked. You guys should try it too if you haven't yet. Ok, so there's this guy in my office who joined the office just a few weeks back. Actually he sits in the next cubicle but he's not from the same team. So, we have this usual "Hi! Hello!" thing going on. Nothing more. Then suddenly this guy sends me a friend request on facebook. I barely know this guy! He sent a friend request to some of my teammates too and they accepted it, just for being nice I guess as they also don’t know him that well. So I didn't accept the request for first few days and then one day this guy comes to me and asks me to accept the request. I was like "What the Heck!” I really don't want to add this guy because he's not my friend and I add only my friends or people I know on my facebook profile. I thought that it was my choice to add anyone to my profile. And now I have this social pressure to add this guy because, guess what? He comes up to me and asks to accept his friend request.

So, a couple of days go by and this guy meets in the restroom... The RESTROOM for crying out loud and asks me about the friend request. Now, I don't know what to do? I really don't want to accept his request. That day I almost accepted his request.

So, now this guy won't even talk to me, not even a nod of acknowledgement. I am pretty sure that he hates me. Not that I want him to talk to me or I want to know him. But I think just by not accepting a friend request I have developed hatred for myself in someone. How is that fair?